And it won’t let go. The last two months there has been way too many days like this, and I’ve decided to try and focus on one thing in particular the coming days: do things that will do good for my special journey, starting Thursday morning. When I’m leaving for a three days workshop with some of my big inspirational sources. And I’m actually going one day in advance of the workshop, because I am to visit someone very special on Thursday which I’ve never met in real before.
So what will do me good before I go? I have such a hard time focus and concentrate, that I almost can’t feel what would do good. So frustrating and frightening. I don’t freak out, but I’m empty. I’m resisting “everything” around me. And in me. Where did the good go? Where can I find it? And where did the tears go? They seem to have dried out. Usually not a good sign.
I’m so not made for uncertainty and stress, but I will not let my life get passive or isolate myself from the reality. Though I really hate airports. And many big cities. And lots of other things. The world is filled with triggers. How sad it is to see the world like that!? Glad I don’t feel like that all the time, and my only goal this week is to let it go… Or should I say let it stay, and don’t be afraid… With acceptance it will go…
So my calendar will look like this: meditation, run in the woods, make juice, wash clothes, maybe buy another suitcase, wrap three gifts, ship orders, finish the blogpost about the year to come and take care. Of myself and those around me. I want to feel good.
Thanks for sharing that. We all have issues. Maybe some less, others more. I always feel like I have more day to day coping to do than most people. But that’s probably because most people put up all the proper appearances in front of the others and we never get to know each other’s pains and struggles. I hope you’ll get through everything.
You know, unlike you I do love airports and big cities, well, I love traveling and I love flying as a means of traveling. And big cities are just these living organisms which kind of ground me, I’d even say prop me in daily life without intruding – that solitude in a crowd. Taking a walk alone in a big city has always been a form of meditation for me. Being tete-a tete with the crowd and the architecture actually has a calming effect on me. Now I live in a small town and I miss all that. I miss the buzz, the certain aesthetics or modern busy life. I feel kind or lonely and wobbly without it all. But I know that many people like small towns, slow lining and such. And I’m learning to like it too. Everything has its ups and downs, you just have to lean to enjoy the ups, whatever they are.
P.S. Are those pictures of your house? It’s beautiful. Your photography is beautiful.
Thanks for sharing your thought, and sorry for my very late reply! And yes, the pictures is from my house, glad you like it 🙂