And it won’t let go. The last two months there has been way too many days like this, and I’ve decided to try and focus on one thing in particular the coming days: do things that will do good for my special journey, starting Thursday morning. When I’m leaving for a three days workshop with some of my big inspirational sources. And I’m actually going one day in advance of the workshop, because I am to visit someone very special on Thursday which I’ve never met in real before.
So what will do me good before I go? I have such a hard time focus and concentrate, that I almost can’t feel what would do good. So frustrating and frightening. I don’t freak out, but I’m empty. I’m resisting “everything” around me. And in me. Where did the good go? Where can I find it? And where did the tears go? They seem to have dried out. Usually not a good sign.
I’m so not made for uncertainty and stress, but I will not let my life get passive or isolate myself from the reality. Though I really hate airports. And many big cities. And lots of other things. The world is filled with triggers. How sad it is to see the world like that!? Glad I don’t feel like that all the time, and my only goal this week is to let it go… Or should I say let it stay, and don’t be afraid… With acceptance it will go…
So my calendar will look like this: meditation, run in the woods, make juice, wash clothes, maybe buy another suitcase, wrap three gifts, ship orders, finish the blogpost about the year to come and take care. Of myself and those around me. I want to feel good.