Hi lovely people. I had never thought it would be five weeks before I were to say hi again. I never thought I would give myself five weeks to let life take me where I were meant to be. Sounds like a long time, right? As I write, I feel five weeks of letting life happen naturally is a very little time. I want my life to happen, like water and fire at once. Not trying to control what to come. The feeling of it gives me peace in mind. Earlier it would freak me out to let myself having so little control. Well, I never had it, but desperately tried to. Convinced myself I could control one direction after another.
I skipped to wash the extremely dirty windows in my new pad, just so I could spend more time drinking coffee. To spend time reading books. I have never dared to read books (the reason is a part of this), and now I’m on my third one in six weeks. And do you remember me going to Stockholm for a long week in April, writing posts (first and second) about my new concept? I’m so glad I wrote those posts, so glad I shared my perspective at that given time. It’s about seven months since the divorce now, and as usual I live so much. So much going on all the time, still I get the feeling of not getting anything done at all. Many of my new plans will be pulled trough, because I want to. Like the workshop in November, and the brunch club. I will paint again too, and def make a record. But I will let it happen with as few dates and deadlines as possible. Deadlines kills me.
While reading books I’ve not used my Mac more than maybe 5-6 times. I have stopped reading the few blogs I usually read. It just happened, and it’s alright. I will read it all when I suddenly feel like. It feels so much better to communicate directly with people now. Chat and sms is not very “directly”, and I prefer to talk on the phone or meet people for a coffee or a beer and talk, for hours. Sit here in this nook in my new kitchen, in the middle of the chaos from moving. It’s fine. I don’t vacuum before someone enters the door. I don’t put bags or boxes under the bed to make it look less chaotic. Because it’s already full underneath the bed.
I buy too many buns and vinyl records, and spend close to a fortune on shrimps, fish and olives. I make my coffee very strong and black, and I bring food for the ducks in the lake several times a week. I have been swimming almost every evening. I order tickets to go new places and meet new inspiring people. Various artists with various backgrounds. But I have so much in common with them, and it’s life changing to be open to other peoples stories and ways to express themselves. I learn so much, and people treat me with such a respect that I am forever grateful .
The plants grow faster here in the middle of the town, than they did in the countryside. Just like myself. The skies run by faster, and let the blue sky return faster here, also just like me. This is my home now, and this is where I want to be. I feel safe, and I feel humble and loved. By myself. Makes me able to trust others as well, and I make decisions that brings me good health, strength and magic.
She’s mad, but she’s magic. There’s no lie in her fire.