Involuntary I get stuck. In thoughts and emotions. In bed or at the sofa, anytime. I can lay there and see the Pilea Peperomioides plant turn from green transparent leaves to a black silhouette as the sun sets and having no idea how long it took. It sounds romantic, I know. But it’s not when you’re not in control of the situation.
I can feel rage and grief, but I don’t feel sorry for myself, and I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. I say this because I think it helps myself. Egocentric? I’m suppose to help myself – we all are. If I can’t help myself I can’t help others for sure. I experience that over and over again. I have to start in this “what do I need?” mode every time I’m at what feels like the bottom of the lake. There’s no one else down there who I can grab, I have to grab my own hand and be good with it. Don’t hit it. That’s the hardest thing I’m trying to learn.
And the second hardest is to make a very slow structure in my daily life that I can accept. If I in the evening think that “today I just baked bread and watered the plants”, than the next thought should be “…and that’s just fine…“. When I’m good at accepting that little can be done, mostly I get more done. So I’m working on finding my involuntary way of slow living that makes me healthier. That’s my job. Photographing, blogging and making music is my hobbies.
I don’ think you need another blog which doesn’t even scratch the surface. If you want dark and bold interiors and getting to know the person behind it a little, you’re at the right place! Oh, I actually have a little soundtrack to recommend too, which I’ve been listening several times while writing this post: Deru – I would like.
I so relate to this. Let’s dive down to the depths sometimes instead of flapping on the frivolous surf xx
Thanks for leaving this comment Kate, I really appreciate it!
This is much of my existence also. Thank you for articulating for yourself, what I already know I need to do for myself… although we ultimately only have our own hands to grab hold of, it is helpful, for me at least, to see others taking the same small but extremely challenging steps towards doing what is not just “best” but healthiest for ourselves. For me, I know it’s in fact the only sustainable option. Reading your post helps to quiet the voices with so many fervent arguments against it.
Thanks for leaving this wonderful comment! It’s really challenging steps, you’re so right. Wish you all the best!