Involuntary I get stuck. In thoughts and emotions. In bed or at the sofa, anytime. I can lay there and see the Pilea Peperomioides plant turn from green transparent leaves to a black silhouette as the sun sets and having no idea how long it took. It sounds romantic, I know. But it’s not when you’re not in control of the situation.
I can feel rage and grief, but I don’t feel sorry for myself, and I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. I say this because I think it helps myself. Egocentric? I’m suppose to help myself – we all are. If I can’t help myself I can’t help others for sure. I experience that over and over again. I have to start in this “what do I need?” mode every time I’m at what feels like the bottom of the lake. There’s no one else down there who I can grab, I have to grab my own hand and be good with it. Don’t hit it. That’s the hardest thing I’m trying to learn.
And the second hardest is to make a very slow structure in my daily life that I can accept. If I in the evening think that “today I just baked bread and watered the plants”, than the next thought should be “…and that’s just fine…“. When I’m good at accepting that little can be done, mostly I get more done. So I’m working on finding my involuntary way of slow living that makes me healthier. That’s my job. Photographing, blogging and making music is my hobbies.
I don’ think you need another blog which doesn’t even scratch the surface. If you want dark and bold interiors and getting to know the person behind it a little, you’re at the right place! Oh, I actually have a little soundtrack to recommend too, which I’ve been listening several times while writing this post: Deru – I would like.